I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize