Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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