I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize