My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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