She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
