it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
