and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
