so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Be still, my beating vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
