Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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