walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
