im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
