All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
