when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
