The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
