She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
