how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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