My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
