we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
