I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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