why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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