So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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