I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
