the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
