I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize