cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
