i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
