Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
