This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
