I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
