At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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