Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
