oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
