I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
