eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
