Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
