There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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