Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize