Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
