can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
