Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I AM VODKA MAN
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
