Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
