do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize