I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
