So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
