Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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