I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
