dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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