what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
