Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
