3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Randomize
