So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
