You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
