I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
