Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When are your genitals available?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
