erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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