What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
