his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize