I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
