Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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