you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
