Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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