I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
