Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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