those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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