I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
