If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
