If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
