At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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