You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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