Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
