You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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