why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
