Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I love you. Go after that dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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