Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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