Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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